I spend a fair amount of time online reading posts about the music business and talking with fellow musician friends who are trying to navigate the vagaries of it. I also work on my own activities every day. One thing I find being commonly expressed is frustration at wanting more "success" than one has, whether it be more action, more exposure, more money, more opportunities, more acknowledgment...the list is long. Many compare their own careers to others. Most are sensitive to rejection. And some blame "the way the world is" for their lack of a dream come true. Seems to me that the very desire for things to be different than they are is at the root of this frustration. What kind of an idea is it that things should be different than the reality we are living at the moment? What part of our brain does this come from? Especially for musicians, whose very essence of chosen artistic expression is all about being in the moment...am curious as to why so many musicians drop that gift when we're not in the moment of playing music.

When I come home from a performance and am reflecting on the experience, I ask myself one question..."Did I do my job?" Sometimes I do my job well, but sometimes a performance can dramatically miss the mark. One can never really know going in, it's all an experiment. The best thing I can do is feel well prepared for anything, which means I need to know the music well enough that I can balance playing the music with relating to the other musicians on stage, addressing the audience and being in the moment, all at the same time. Out of my last three performances, they range on my personal scale of success from "not anywhere near to what it could be" to about a 9.5. My lowest point was not at all acceptable and it took me days to recover from it. Was I still not well from the flu? Was it the struggle with the sound system? Was there some under-rehearsed music in the program? I accept that I won't ever really know the combination and degrees of variables that contributed to that difficult performance. Thank goodness I can usually perform soon after an experience like that. I am so appreciative of second chances, a new day, growth spurts, experience and everything else that time can bring to support us on our path.