Singing for My Life: On Being a Musician

New Year - New Blog

2012-01-03T10:27:00.000-08:00

Well, a new year does deserve some attention, aside from tax forms. I used to completely ignore new years' resolutions and fresh starts of many kinds, thinking I would only disappoint myself by breaking an agreement with myself, or worse, maybe I thought I was mostly fine the way I was and did not see an immediate need for change. Ha! I was not fine. There were many ways in which I was not "fine." And I'm sure that I've not been alone in that reality. So, I finally have a resolution that I think worth trying to keep, to check in with myself every day to see how "fine" I really am. And perhaps I can get closer to "fine." Or better yet, I could get closer to "feeling great more of the time" if I'd just pay closer attention to how far away I am from that and what I need to do to get there. This is my path for this year, along with the regular good food, good music, good time spent with my family and friends. Thank you everyone for being part of my world and I hope that you enjoy the coming quiet month of January, when light gradually increases, the days are steady and we have a little extra time for reflection.

2011-08-12T21:42:00.000-07:00

No musician can be "the next _____." The next....Dylan....the next Madonna....the next Jimi....etc. People who become influentially famous in the music performance world do so because they are a complete original and offer the world something that someone else has not and at a time when they need it. Iconic musicians resonate in original ways, they stir thought and imagination, they inspire other artists. They draw from their own mentors and create a composite, but, they sound completely original. You can identify their voice from out of the air when you first hear it. You can recognize them from a hint of their original persona in visual graphics. They work from their unique place in time and within their time's particular cultural challenges and manifestations. When I read in the press about "the next ______," that really bores me because I know it won't come to pass, for the reasons I have mentioned here.

2011-07-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

I spend a fair amount of time online reading posts about the music business and talking with fellow musician friends who are trying to navigate the vagaries of it. I also work on my own activities every day. One thing I find being commonly expressed is frustration at wanting more "success" than one has, whether it be more action, more exposure, more money, more opportunities, more acknowledgment...the list is long. Many compare their own careers to others. Most are sensitive to rejection. And some blame "the way the world is" for their lack of a dream come true. Seems to me that the very desire for things to be different than they are is at the root of this frustration. What kind of an idea is it that things should be different than the reality we are living at the moment? What part of our brain does this come from? Especially for musicians, whose very essence of chosen artistic expression is all about being in the moment...am curious as to why so many musicians drop that gift when we're not in the moment of playing music.

2011-07-01T08:08:00.001-07:00

When I come home from a performance and am reflecting on the experience, I ask myself one question..."Did I do my job?" Sometimes I do my job well, but sometimes a performance can dramatically miss the mark. One can never really know going in, it's all an experiment. The best thing I can do is feel well prepared for anything, which means I need to know the music well enough that I can balance playing the music with relating to the other musicians on stage, addressing the audience and being in the moment, all at the same time. Out of my last three performances, they range on my personal scale of success from "not anywhere near to what it could be" to about a 9.5. My lowest point was not at all acceptable and it took me days to recover from it. Was I still not well from the flu? Was it the struggle with the sound system? Was there some under-rehearsed music in the program? I accept that I won't ever really know the combination and degrees of variables that contributed to that difficult performance. Thank goodness I can usually perform soon after an experience like that. I am so appreciative of second chances, a new day, growth spurts, experience and everything else that time can bring to support us on our path.

2011-05-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

And so I was asked, "How does a nice little girl like you get involved with things like the music of Utah Phillips?"...and it was a joke. Well, of course it was. But it was a great introduction to how much a of a philosopher I can be, even though I don't dress or look like a stereotypical anything besides a musician, and from the east coast. I had a great time with some students at Westminster College, as we discussed important issues such as folk music, yes, folk music, and music written for societal change. We discussed the Catholic Worker Movement and feeding homeless people. We discussed pacifism. Pacifism...yummmm, is as good as chocolate, it's rich, and is good for everyone, if we'd just try it.

2011-04-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

I wrote a song this week. It was the first song that I've written for a while, the infrequency due to my frantic past few months. It takes some space in the mind to write a song, to be still enough to let something grow. It's like making bread. You have the yeast, which is the idea, you mix it with ingredients and it rises and grows into something puffy, if given the right conditions. I'd had this song idea in my mind for 3 years, then all of a sudden it came out. It did require a little research along the way, but I more or less concentrated on it for a good two days after which it was fully formed, baked and browned.
This song is about the legacy of mixing heritages, describing subtle beauty in how generations carry things on. It's based on the history of the Celts intermingling with Hawaiian royalty through marriage. From that joining, and with it a population of Celts on the islands, there began a legacy of people celebrating both cultures. I witnessed it when I first went to Hawaii in 2008. I was performing at a music festival and heard some young girls, most of mixed descents, singing traditional Celtic songs, in tartans and leis. I was struck by one girl especially, as she sang Sally Gardens in a soft Hawaiian-style falsetto, like the breeze off of the ocean. The Scotsman who married Princess Likelike in the 1800s, I'm sure he was not knowing of the possibility of me hearing this young girl sing so many generations later, and then writing about it in song. I'm sure Princess Kaiulani did not expect to be the subject of a chorus composed by a musician writing from the state of Utah, but I'm very glad to have included her in a song. She's a beauty and is worth singing about. It was my pleasure.

2011-02-13T11:40:00.000-08:00

I've had the chance to create and share a lot of music with a lot of people over the last few weeks. From singing Robert Burns' songs with Natalie Haas and Christopher Layer in Moab, UT, to touring with the Utah Phillips Tribute CD gang of songwriters throughout the NW states, including Winterfolk 23 in Portland, OR, the past few weeks have been completely engaging. I live for making sound, so despite the traveling, the engagements are worth it. I have a couple of weeks of quiet now, but will enjoy the ringing notes of the past few weeks as they carry me through my tax work.

2011-01-01T11:33:00.001-08:00

Today is the beginning of a new year, a year with many wonderful things on my calendar. We will start off with the release of the Utah Phillips Tribute CD that I worked on for most of 2010. There are approximately 30 musicians on the recording. It was quite a feat of organization and I must admit, more work than I had originally estimated. But recording projects usually do seem that way while you are in the middle of them, they "take over." The first and most elaborate CD release concert will be held on Thursday January 6, 2011, at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center in Salt Lake City, UT. In honor of Utah Phillips' untiring work for social and cultural improvements, the ticket sales will benefit Salt Lake's Crossroads Urban Center.
More wonderful things are on my calendar...it's going to be a full year.

Food Banks and Kickstarters

2010-12-14T14:04:00.000-08:00

I am raising funds for my life and raising funds for others, at the same time. Last Saturday night my music duo partner Kat Eggleston and I played holiday music at the Quartermaster Inn on Vashon Island, WA as a food drive for the local food bank. And during the past 30 days our kickstarter.com pledge drive has helped us organize a way to fund the completion of our second duo recording. It's all about ebb and flow. My job is to remain constantly in the presence of the presents, and to play beautiful music in honor of all moments.

2010-09-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

I'm 49. That means I am going on 50. And I'm proud of that. Yes, I am. Because I now know some things. And I know myself better. I see things from a different perspective, from somewhere up a mountainside. I don't feel a day over 18 even though I sometimes feel as though I've seen enough and am ready to go. Being ready to go is ok, it leaves space for surprises and clears the weeds of personal agenda. And the best part is...when I have fun, I genuinely have more fun now, now that I am going on 50.

I've lost many performance opportunities because I am over 30, or over 40, or over whatever age it is that makes one too old to listen to, unless one is famous. Ha! The truth is...I have much to say and I say it in my songs. The best is yet to come. So listen up!

2010-08-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

I guess the question is... "Why do we do things...anything, what we do, for fun, for a living, who we love, why, with our time, our thoughts, when, where, and for what end, satisfaction, community, family, money, environment, security, habit, dysfunction, desire..."
Well, I guess that is more than one question. But, I think about all of this while I work, on music. I work on music most of my waking hours, between the performances, the teaching, the recording productions and the private practice that I schedule in just to keep my hands in shape. Well, I do believe that when one is creating something beautiful, especially with other people, something good is happening, balancing out, not contributing to violence and destruction of our world. While attending the violin-making school many years ago, we had a graffiti statement that we would leave in the public bathrooms in Salt Lake City...make violins, not violence. I believe in that. I also believe that singing is good for humans, in many ways, and that people should sing every day...in the shower, in the car, and especially with other people.

Lunch With My Guitar

2010-08-15T18:43:00.000-07:00

Have had a good time producing recording projects this summer, all of which will be out in 2011. There will be a new recording released with duo partner Kat Eggleston, look for news about that on our websites. Kat and I are producing singer Rose Laughlin's upcoming recording. Also in the recording stage is the Bruce "Utah" Phillips tribute CD from the Utah region. Sometimes I spend so much time in the recording studio or on the internet, that I almost forget that I play musical instruments. When I finally find time to pick one up and play again, I feel as though I'm having lunch with an old friend at a fine restaurant in Paris.

2010-07-03T08:00:00.001-07:00

Good morning world. On this 4th of July weekend my little Sugarhouse, Utah neighborhood is hosting a 5k run, a flag-raising ceremony and doughnuts with no coffee. This activity is centered in a Mormon church parking lot across the street from my house. I hear voices there. I might join them when they break out the watermelons.

I have had a busy time performing lately for various outdoor events, the core of my playing in the summer months. The all-present sunshine and long comfortable evenings of this region are conducive to plentiful outdoor events. But as always, present here is--the Mormon/non-Mormon issue. For instance, I virtually never perform in Provo, UT. I did once many years back, at a house concert, but have not performed my own music there since. The Freedom Festival, held on the 4th of July weekend every year in Provo, has a contract that states a dress code of 'no sleeveless shirts'. I suppose because shoulders can be sexy, or not, depending on the shoulders, I guess. Although I've lived here for 30 years, I'm still perplexed to notice blank stares from eyes of Mormon church members in an audience, as I am assessed; they are trying to decide if I am "safe" to listen to or not. This phenomenon is noticed by us musicians more at this time of year when outdoor festivals bring together large audiences from different backgrounds. Necessarily my performances are primarily relegated to the areas of Salt Lake City, Park City, ski areas, Moab, and sometimes Cedar City. You can probably tell by now, that I am not Mormon. I listen to musicians of all backgrounds, and find diversity to be more interesting than not. But conceptually, I understand how the mysticism in my lyric style might not correspond with a dogmatic religious context of thought. On the worldly side of this, I have to wonder how many people out-of-state who think of hiring me, worry if I am of that religious faith. I've experienced several people who were, people who would actually come out and say so. If that is the case, there must be more who just don't mention it. And maybe some who assume and don't even bother considering me. I encountered a very friendly sound man at one of my concerts in Illinois, who mentioned that he was worried that I might be Mormon because of where I've lived for so long, and since he was gay worried about our encounter. That made me sad.

I'm an easy-going person who can get along with just about anyone and can fit in with just about any cultural group. I was raised on the outskirts of Washington, D.C. and experienced diversity from the start. I continue to perform in Utah and in the surrounding region, but it has become more difficult over time for me to do so without saying something about what I experience. And so, I am writing here, about my experience.

2010-03-31T19:20:00.001-07:00

Last night's recording session was phenomenal. I am producing, with Duncan Phillips, a unique recording that will feature some of the more obscure Bruce "Utah" Phillips songs performed by regionally-based musicians. Wait 'til you hear this! It's going to be amazing. We've actually recorded six song basics so far, with more to be recorded in April. For me, it's an honor. For my brain, it's a lot of organizational work. Trying to get everyone into the studio is like trying to move frogs in a barrel. I also don't have time to play my instruments much once I am into a project like this. But you can hardly beat the magic that sometimes happens in the recording studio. One of these days I'll get to sing on it, too. Until then, I'm on the "bridge" with the sound engineer and those who stop by to listen. Last night we had a room full of friends; Duncan Phillips, Anke Summerhill, The Iversons, Buddy Mondlock, Hal Cannon and the engineer Michael Greene. Phillips' fans should see the project's website, www.thelongmemory.com.

2010-03-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I have written. I've had a myriad of activities going on including touring in TX, OK, LA, recording a new album with Kat Eggleston, performing on other artists' recordings and organizing the production of a Utah Phillips tribute recording. This week is quiet. For a few days.
My latest aha...I've grown accustomed to bed and breakfasts. Staying at a B&B is like a visit to Grandma's house, which is a real treat when you are on the road. I think I'll stick with them. When I am traveling, in the mornings when getting ready for the day, I sometimes watch the music video channels. On Monday morning I saw a few videos on the country music channel. Wow. There was Jewel. I love Jewel's early stuff but have not heard her recent recordings. She's now on the country music channel. She has moved? She's country now? In the video she was portraying the 'I'm a model, too,' thing. I couldn't believe it. She was putting on lipstick, puckering in front of the mirror, and all! Of course women are beautiful creatures by nature. We are. And to make the most of that is an art form in itself. I get that. But the upsetting part for me, was that the song she was singing was insubstantial, which is where the need for the model comes in. Oh my gosh. Jewel!!! What has happened???
To be kind, I must give her the benefit of the doubt, that it is only one song and there could be more. Yet I could not help but wonder why Jewel's career would become LESS substantial as time goes on, except to suspect that she's decided she has to take that route. Does she think that she won't have a career if she's not playing that game? Are people telling her what to do? And what about us? Have we gotten nowhere? Do we still have to primp and strut, and put on that sexy, longing look in order to get some music accross? I just don't know what to think about it.
Hmm...I make very little money, was turned down for an opening act slot on a great music tour because of my AGE, have a day-to-day decision to make about whether to continue working in music, decided yesterday that I would not die the gray 'highlights' out of my hair. Yet, if I had the chance to be on a major record label, and to be able to reach the whole world, well, I hope I'd not make fluff. That, I guess, would be obvious if one listened to some of the songs on my latest album. 'Blooming' was released in October, was buried underneath the releases of the more famous people, I'll not be on TV. Somehow, instead of discouraging me, this all seems to light a fire in my heart.
Still, I love Jewel.

2009-12-29T10:15:00.000-08:00

If one does not sing every day, they are truly missing a grand gift of life. For everyone who has some experience with singing knows that singing brings a more satisfying, uplifting and glorious feeling than speaking ever does. We speak every day. So, why aren't we singing every day?

2009-12-19T10:22:00.000-08:00

It's down time for performing, around the holidays, unless you perform background music. I don't do that much any longer. But I will if it seems right, if I fit the mood. It's morning and there is snow. I like the snow, it quiets everything. I lit the candle on my table. I need to start calling people for the day, they are waiting for my calls, to make future plans. I like plans, they keep things rolling and remind me that I have a future. If there are too many people to call back, I guess that is a good problem. But it does feel overwhelming to know I will probably never get to all of my phone messages. The list morphs, grows and moves over according to priorities for the day, the week, the month. Something or someone might drop off of the list. Someone may feel slighted. It's not personal. It never is. It's that there is only one me. One me...I"ll have to think about that some more. What should my "one me" do today?

2009-12-04T08:50:00.001-08:00

Do I spend my last dollar to make a dollar? That is the question. Hhmm. Small businesses all over the world are asking the same question. I'm not sure if people consider being a musician "a small business," yet I don't know what else to call it. I am a small business. I bet on myself every day. I gamble on my value. I invest in my materials. I commit anew every morning.

December 2, 2009

2009-12-02T23:11:00.000-08:00

As I always say...

If you think the music business is about the music... you are kidding yourself, or you are not paying attention.

(more on this later)